it hurts my soul...

'My cousin wants to ask you out'

a while ago someone died
and it hurt my soul
it hurt the deepest part of my heart
where all the loving people are

it's been a while since this happened
and the other day
my mom was talking to his mom

my mom mentioned something to her
and she said:
'my son was truly madly deeply in love with your daughter'

if he were alive, i would have married him
coz even if i always liked blond/blue-eyed guys
i think he was one of the most handsome guys
i've met in my life

i think he died when we were 16 or 17
i don't remember that.

'The kitchen is NOT a nail salon'

i have issues with nails.
nails belong in the trash
or the toilet...
nails are like poop
part of your body
nobody wants to see them
touch them
pick them up from the FUCKING KITCHEN TABLE!
Point made.

'The world is not my place, I'm just a pilgrim. My richness will find me when I get to heaven'

for all of you who dont know me IRL, may be you have no idea how unattached i'm with worldly things. if i lose something that had a sentimental value for me, i'm like ok, fuck it.
when did i learn this?
the day my dad (or my mom) threw away my favorite white Nike sneakers.
they were prescious. beautiful. great sneakers.
i loved them.
i wore them even with holes.
one day i come home looking for my shoes, and the shoes were gone.
i asked my mom: where are my nike sneakers?
she said very calmly: your dad put them in the garbage.
YOUR DAD PUT THEM IN THE GARBAGE.

so there you go.
Fuck it.

the other day one of my best friends asked me:
what do you want me to get you for your wedding?
and i explained to her
how Gary and I want $ for a beautiful bedroom set we saw
so she said:
don't you want like a special thing and then give it to your
children and tell them: uncle charly gave you this?
No.
I don't want that.

I remember my mom with the crystal cups.
every time i cleaned the fucking crystal
i was cursing whoever gave that to her.
'oh no! be careful with the crystal because grandma Betty gave it to us as a wedding present'
I worked for this lady in Texas who also had crystal.
every single one of them was $350. she had like 20.
the very first day i started working there she said to me:
'there is one thing you need to know: if you break the crystal, you pay for it.
because it was a wedding present from GWBush'

I want things i need, no fucking things just to pass on to my kids

The song we sang in Sabbath School was 'the world is not my home, i'm just a pilgrim. my richness are expecting me in a faraway land... God's angels are inviting me to stay and now I know that the world is not my home'.

My richness are not of this world.
i dont want to be rich
i dont want to have money
i dont want to have anything that will make me feel
like i'm you know, better than anybody else.

and yes
i got my period.
and i'm pissed.
:(